People may tell their friends they’re fine. They may tell a salesperson what they think they should say. But when they open Google, they’re honest. They type in the questions they’re almost afraid to ask out loud.

That simple idea turned into a fascinating conversation about why so many businesses miss the mark online.

Stephan Bajaio one of the pioneers in enterprise SEO, and now leads Vibe Logic. After years helping some of the biggest brands in the world understand search behavior, he’s convinced the real opportunity isn’t chasing keywords. It’s understanding people.

Here are a few ideas that really stuck with me.

• Stop obsessing over keywords and start listening for intent. The words matter, but the questions behind those words matter even more.
• Don’t fall in love with your own language. Customers don’t care what you call your product. They search using the words they know. If you insist on inventing new terms, be prepared to spend a fortune teaching the market your vocabulary.
• Look beyond the bullet point. Stephan shared an example from an insurance company that listed “change in marital status” as a simple bullet. Behind that one phrase are dozens of emotional questions from people trying to figure out what happens after a divorce. Those are the questions customers are searching for, and the company wasn’t answering them.
• Help before you sell. One line from Stephan’s T-shirt says it all. “If you’re not helping people, you’re just selling stuff.” That idea showed up again and again throughout our conversation.

My favorite moment wasn’t about SEO at all. It was Stephan’s story about flipping through a cousin’s wedding album. We have all done that, and be honests when you are flipping the pages, you aren’t really looking at the bride. You are looking for a picture of you.  That’s exactly what visitors are doing on your website. They’re trying to see themselves in your content and decide if you understand what they’re need.